my first post
I’m on the toilet writing these lines, isn't it amazing what we as humans have accomplished to be able to type senseless words into a bright screen while answering natures calls in heated walls where we hide from the cold and the dark in unnatural light with brainless activities to fill our leisure times. ah yes. I mean of course not every activity is brainless or not everyone does brainless activities, as speaking of me i spent 4 hours straight today laying on my bed playing a mobile game called another life, where you have a text field in front of you and some buttons but the most important button is the age button, you are living a fictive life and get to level up skills, career health and personal relationships, just like in sims but with a whole different interface, a quite more boring one, yet for four hours I was grinding for my poor girl from the philippines to work hard, have a strong commitment to her hobby of basketball and lost her dad in her young years, nonetheless she died a loving mother with 56 years as a CEO of a million money fitness product developing company, had a husband she accidentally lost trying to befriend a npc but ended up confessing her love, because he wasn’t half as great as my catch the husband we had some loose experiences with especially hot meat and married a 20 year old when she was 50. well why not.
what a life huh.
anyway normally I'm more productive in my days, or so I try, I regularly spent a lot of time figuring how to start and don’t start a whole not of things and today after my lovely saturday class from 8am-1pm I was wavering around rooms to figure out if i should clean the kitchen, find something to fill my foodhole or make a plan on what to do. What I ended up doing was thinking about my first relationship that ended about a year ago today and i just layed down and started reading the chat and cried. (maybe oversharing a little for my first post) Don’t get me wrong, breaking up that relationship was a really good choice, since then I changed so much in positive ways I never thought I would. Yet thinking about the upcoming year remembering where I was starting 2024 somewhat having the imagination of him and me building out lives together on more certain, forward looking paths and comparing that to the past of my lonely 2024 not being able to let anyone close to me, not even knowing what i’m looking for scares me for the 2025 I am heavily excited for. It’s not that I think i need a boyfriend, but social connections on a deeper level is something I’m really not good at and of course I would like to find a way to figure that out for myself.
I’ve got some friends, some that I can’t really seem to trust and yet those are the closest to me, but as soon as something comes up they are gone. And some that always were by my side and you know sticked no matter how much I told myself I need to be alone and tried to isolate myself, those I haven’t been grateful or appreciative enough for, but I am in luck and still have them to show them my appreciation and give them back the beauty of friendship.
why am I whining about this? well this is a blog about me, my life and my journey to a more mindful and happier life, and relationships play a big role into that and are as said one of my biggest challenges.
But for more later on, there is lot of things to discover and go through.
